New Year 2008

We are nearing the end of the yr 2007. A pretty peaceful year I would say, either that or I have a major memory lapse of events that happened.

No New Year resolutions, purely because they don't work. But I wish for all my friends, family and myself to have a better year ahead.

HAPPY NEW YEAR PEEPS!!!!!!!!

So this is Xmas...

It's been awhile... what better time to blog and feel warmth all around you than christmas time... In actual fact, major events are popping up all around me for the past few months. So much so that, my mind was too boggled to pen it down on this webbie. The mind is still mingled in bits and pieces, but I think i can manage a brief rundown on the events.

My grandaddy's passing, came and left. Leaving barely any prints in my life. I am just glad that everything happened just the way he wanted it. And thank you for all you have done for me for the past 27 years. I am surprised, and in fact very shocked at how well I have handled his passing. I have thought about this day, ever since I realised that he is getting old. But I guess, it's all for the better. Spent my 2 weeks of block leave shuttling to and fro Hainan Island. But I guess, this is the last bit I can do as a granddaughter he has favoured so much.

Also,Hy is getting married. Comes as no surprise, but still a pleasant event to nicely end off the year I guess. Her ROM is on Xmas eve. Wish her all the best, I will probably blog more when I am done with it on the day itself.

I will be travelling.. oh.. I can't believe I actually said "travelling"... to KL!!! It's MEGASALE in Truly Asia. I hope it is truly a good sale. HEHE

Alrightey... now I will stop all the hypocrisy and diplomacy.... MY LIFE SUCKS.

I have been extremely unhappy... so unhappy that, I have absolutely no urge to share my life on the blog. Why spread the negativity........there are so many other events that presented themselves to me that it's almost impossible to share. haha
But of cos, and obviously, the mood's slightly picking up it's festivity.. together with Xmas, it's the season of sharing afterall.. I am feeling better.


Nonetheless, tis the season to be jolly... falalalala lalalala.............

Groundhog Day

It's like my life is rewinding itself. I get out of it, I come back into it. All out of my own choice, disregarding the fact whether it was done intentionally or unwittingly. It's almost like a broken recorder, now a broken dvd player... when can I get out of this deadlock? I hope I see the light soon..........

Not feeling well

I fell sick. For real. I haven't felt this weak in a very long time. I feel like anything, just dust can make me crumble...

Trying to move

I need to move out... I have said it umpteen times. Let's hope this time, it happens.

Older and apparently not much wiser

It's about 4 hours past my birthday. Wasn't the best birthday I had, but thanks for the pple involved to make it look like one.

But seriously, I don't care shit about what birthdays... it's just a get together for me. And although I am saying all these, I just need someone to pay extra attention that it's my birthday. It's nothing great, but how can you totally ignore the fact that today is not just any other day. You can treat me the same like any other day, but not worse... on this day. You have disappointed me in more ways than one. I have given you so many chances, and yet, you screwed up big this time round. The trust was hard to regain, and you chose to throw it away just like that. I am very hurt. This is as much as I can take, and is willing to take. This is the last straw.


Now my dear frens, that was a small para for someone who has managed to make my birthday "memorable". So thanks but no thanks B......

Vic's Entry

You see.. at the unearthly hour of 4.50am, my phone vibrated, bringing in an sms from Miss Vic Ho. For some funny reason, amidst my deep rest, I woke up to see this. Here it is, Vic, a favour from me to you.....

"Everyone goes on a different path in life. A path directed by their own soul. Every choice made, be it big or small, leads you to somewhere unknown. Is there such a thing as a good choice or a bad choice? Who knows the conclusion of the other choice that you gave up? Life is a journey that will end. Live it the way you want to and enjoy the process be it bitter, sweet, heart wrenching or heart warming. Only the memories remain.- jus having some thoughts I'm lazy to blog and want to share them"


You're welcome...... :)

It's time.

When dawn breaks, a decision will be made. I have reached the point of no return... it's probably time to let go.

It's just weird...

Not too long ago, this conversation transpired between me and my gf.

GF: Hey look! (reads the back of a perfume bottle) No wonder smell so fruity, so many fruits in there for ingredients..

Me: (took a look at the bottle) huh?

GF: See, got grapefruit and ......... ok... just grapefruit.

Me: (shakes my head, but not surprised at the reaction) Ok, so ya, it's too fruity for me.. let's look at something else.


I was just thinking, assumptions of this nature happens almost every other minute. Maybe it's just human nature to blurt out words with the least minimal information sent to their heads. It's just a slip.

So there I was thinking, why is it that when friends say things which obviously don't make sense or they don't mean, we let it go and laugh it off? But why can't we react the same to the men we like? Because they are "supposed" to be treating us nicer than our friends? So if that's the case, why are we not treating them better than our friends, forgiving them for these slightest of the slightest mistakes and slips, instead of throwing a tantrum that's bigger than the issue itself?

Question: Why can't we let go of slips that our men made, when we can do so to our friends? So do our friends matter more, or our men?



PS:I know this entry doesn't make much sense to many, so unless you can fully understand it, don't ask me about it. Because I know exactly what I am writing about.

URBAN DEPRESSION!!!!

I spent a couple of hours having supper with Jun yesterday at HK cafe. It was meant to be our dinner, but it sucks.

So there we are, ranting about the usual. Going through the list of where we should be jetting off to, going for our long awaited holiday. You see, the only time it materialized was the US trip, beat that. So after a very depressive conversation of an hour of how our life sucks, how we are so stuck, like rut in the muck, I decided to coin this state of mind, URBAN DEPRESSION.


Urban Depression
expression
severe despondency, insomnia, arising from stress from work, concrete buildings, lack of excitement or adrenaline rushes. Nothing excites both the mind and body. Incurable, unless one plucks oneself from the current state of living into another.

So Bel decided that she also has this incurable disease, and while we were happily discussing how we should see a shrink together, we fell into deeper depression. We doubt we have the financial ability to see a shrink on a regular basis! HAHA! And of course, she also has this whimsical fantasy that if her future employer finds out she is seeing a shrink, she might not be considered for the job. Beat that. Introducing my bimbo friend, BEL. Good grief.


So after that thought, I ranted to Rin and Bel for like a full 15 mins, refusing to let them go, as no one else can possibly understand or rather, no one around me will be suitable candidates to listen to my urban sob stories, about love and work, and definitely not to mention love and work mixed into one. Phew... I felt so much better after that release of pent up frustrations.

I rebelled at work today, tried my best. Imagine stepping into the office, and in 15 mins, I was swamped! Literally! Everything started piling up on my desk, apparently everything that was supposed to be done when I was away, was left undone! So at the end of the day, I couldn't be bothered. I left to walk across the street to get a long overdue hair trim, got my long overdue lenses. If it cannot be done, SO BE IT!
HA!

After all that, I stuck my ass in my other office, where the other half of my colleagues are seated. Talked crap, made lame jokes, just whiling time away...and it was surprisingly therapeutic. Unknowingly, I felt alot better, and I definitely did not see that coming. But yay yay yay!!!!!!!!

So maybe there are ways to slowly cure Urban Depression, you just have to find your own.

Up and Coming New Toy!!!

I am bored of life. That's about usual. So I have decided, once too many times, again... to get myself a new toy. Tsk Tsk... nono.. not a man.... haha... it's a new phone!!!!

Ok.. but this phone has not arrived yet... so it's UPCOMING. So when will it be UP and COMING into my life??????? Not that I am particularly in love with this phone, but it satisfies my lack of thrill and excitement at this particular point in time.

Sheesh... as I type along, a realization dawned on me. This has been the exact way I feel about men in my life. I don't particularly ultra like them, although somehow or another I make it appear so, and make the men think so, but more often than not, it's the boredom that is the driving force behind the emotions, and actions.

Question: When have I really liked something or someone so much casting aside the search of excitement?


Nonetheless, here's the new toy....

Say No.

Why do we feel obliged? Are there really things we are supposed to be doing that we are conveniently trying to shirk that responsibility? But if that is the case, obligation will never come into the picture, because feeling obliged somehow hints a tinge of repulsion and compulsory attitude.


Simply, WE FEEL OBLIGED BECAUSE WE DON'T KNOW HOW TO SAY NO.

Mood Swings

Not in depression, but my actions reflects the behaviour of MY perfect typical "irritating girl". Now, that's me at the moment. I hate myself. Alright, I hate myself and the way I am living my life. It's meaningless.

I am not in depression, just tired. Ok, maybe mood swings popping up once in a very short while. And I mean mood swings, from "don't fucking piss me off again" to "ya.. kinda miss ya.." kinda swings. Gosh.... I really hate myself.

A Monkey Book and A Blinky Pen

Insomnia hits.... like nobody's biz.... it sucks.

I was up the whole night, I ransacked my own messy room, and voila! there it was... my journal.... in Chinese... HAHAHHAHAHA... I was pretty amazing I have to admit. hahaha.

So, an idea ran through my head. I have decided to walk ard with a notebook in my bag, so that I can pen down any thoughts or warped ideas I have of anything, anybody at that instant moment, before it slips away from my senile mind.

Today, right after work, I went straight to Borders and got myself a cute notebook and a pretty blinky pen. Yes yes.. call me bimbotic... but it sure brightens up my day. Now that the PDA is not with me anymore, I can't pen my thoughts down as and when...so this will be the next best alternative. As CJ will put it, penning thoughts is the best way of expression.

Showcasing my bimbotic buys.....

Summer Holidays and A New Start

Summer holidays. That was what Jun told me when I mentioned that I am breaking my own record, catching 3 movies in 2 weeks. Now, that number would be usually for 6 months more like it. Reason: It's movie season, summer holidays.

Caught 3 shows as mentioned. Pirates of the Caribbean, Ocean's 13 and Shrek 3, in that running order. I know many would beg to differ, but the only movie which my eyes didn't attempt to close on me was Pirates. I have heard bad reviews for this movie, mostly from peeps who already caught it in the theatres, but somehow or another, I thought it was most entertaining. And yes, I caught the first 2. To which, I also caught the first 2 for the other 2 shows. Hahahahaha... hey hey.. I am not a movie fanatic ok!! SUNDOWN...........................

Ocean's 13 was ok... I probably watched it at a timing which I should really be lying in my bed sleeping. But Shrek 3 was I would say, pointless, and nothing worth remembering. Yes, there were the usual mindless jokes and puns, but that's it. To think it was the movie I really wanted to catch. Such a disappointment.

Didn't come home yesterday night, was throwing my spoilt brat tantrum, cos my mum was doing it to us at home. Came home in the afternoon, slept the whole day away. Wanted to drop by St James for a couple of hours, but really couldn't even bear the thought of it. It was simply too tiring just thinking about it.

So many things have happened, but in the past week, nothing much. I guess I am really getting tired and taking things in a more natural course. After yesterday night, I have reached my limit. I tried my best and the line is reached. I will give up. I thought I will soften if circumstances put me in the spot, but now I know, I have really reached the line, even when I turn back, I don't see anything. That's where I will move on from......

Happy People

I got myself this set of dvds from my KL trip, a series called "Queer as Folk".

I kinda knew what this was about, and thought that it might be pretty interesting... so there it was, all packed into my luggage back home.

Ever since I came back from my trip, life has been tough. So tough that I only managed to take the time to start on the series. Well, it's basically a gay show. To be honest, I thought I would more tickled than emotional about this whole thing. I really don't mean to be showing any bias here, but what I saw in the show made me realise the actual fact that love and sex really transcends gender. It's all the same when it comes to it... erm... whichever "it" you would think it is. And hmmm... damn, these men are drop dead gorgeous!!! But they will never ever throw a glance in our way.... so ... One of the leads in the show actually had a baby, with a lesbian no doubt (lesbian couple needs a baby, maternal instincts are on the rage, not to mention TWO women!). The responsibilities, the emotional trauma, and all hee haws that are running through these 3 peoples' heads... I would think it would be mind baffling.

Now, that was 2 episodes for yesterday night. A few more discs to move on to. Not sure if I can pull through the night. It's wed.... it's only wednesday............

Consciously Intoxicated

Literally!! Frens who have been hanging out with me long enough should know that I have stopped clubbing since I can't even remember when... but yesterday night, I decided to go. And I didn't drive. Now, that seems like an all out attack to allow myself to wallow in indulgence of decadence... and you are right.

I was pretty much intoxicated, plus the fact that I took some pills in the morning, plus the fatigue from a full day of work, everything just adds up. To be frank, although alcohol content has reached a pretty high limit in my body, I was fully aware of all my actions, and still observing my surroundings. Although speech was abit slurred, and eyes couldn't pry open that easily, I think I did an absolutely fantastic job of remembering every single detail of what happened the night before.

Now... what I really don't like is to be taken care of.. when I don't need it. I am very blatant and frank about things, if I need help, I will open my freaking mouth and ask for it. But when I don't, I don't need help..... get it???!!!!??? All these just make me seem like I am a blardy drunkard bitch who doesn't know how to control herself and making things difficult for everyone. Why can't anyone understand that I am in full control??!!?? Peeps who are truly concerned, peeps who seem to appear concerned, but somehow I can sense a tinge of ulterior motive hiding behind... peeps are who just freaking can't be bothered, peeps who take advantage of the situation and try to appear concerned.....FUCK! *breathe*



Ok... on the hindsight, let me be more benevolent and remember that the frens I was hanging out with yesterday night do not know me well or for long. So I just hope that in time to come, if they are to remain as frens, there will be a day when they will come round to their senses and see the real me...


Got home in the morning, but woke up at 11 plus. Barely 5 hours of sleep, and my head is hurting, but I am fully awake. I shock myself sometimes.....

Well, it's yet another day gone by... I will have to go back to my doldrums at shenton way tomorrow, fighting a lonely battle. But I will survive.. hahahah ..

Swirling in the doldrums

It's been very tiring, I have to bow to the reality that I am zapped of my energy. As my good fren Vic would nod in agreement, I am no longer the person of strength I used to be. My positivity, energy and forward looking thoughts in life have discreetly shifted its direction to the other side, where there is no light. And all these done right under my nose, only now do I realise.

Ever since I started this job back in July last year, I am being slowly sucked into this downward spiral which only goes one way. But over the past month or so, I think I have reached my limit. Work takes up 3/4 of my life, what's left behind I try to make the best of it. Come what may, it doesn't elevate any stress, instead, it adds on so much more. Much more that my feeble self can handle right now.

Men lie, but why? Are they lying? Or do they just not know what is the truth within themselves? I hate to think men as weaklings, but sometimes, I am left with no choice. Many a times, situations can be easily avoided. Even with my constant checks to ensure the ugly side of all of us don't surface, but they still creep up. Nothing is hard to do, nothing is hard to decide, it's just a yes or no.

But as usual, I will get through... I will pull myself up and walk towards the light................

Shopaholics!!!l

My muscles are aching!!! From all the walking, the carrying of the "i-wonder-why-they-are-so heavy" shopping bags, and the fact that sitting in the cab at 1050am in the morning, on route to the malls is considered late!!!!! Even my emotional health is affected!! Hahahahha....

I was so glad and imagined I did myself a huge favour by packing just half a bag to make my way there. I came back with TWO packed to the brim bags. On the last day, there was nowhere for us to unload our luggage while we continue our last spurt of shopping. Thus, we carried the bags, and shopped. This totally explains the aches and all now..........

Glad we made the trip, regardless whether it was actually a well rested trip. Point of it was to get away from work. Not that I totally managed to get away, cos in many ways more than one.. I had that alien contact with work through our globalised network of communications. Hilton Central was great.. it was simply amazing.. the room was very well decorated... feel very much at ease, this rarely happens for the rest of the hotels... so thanks there Rin!! I have to apologise for us being such bimbos and nuisance with absolutely no nuance of an idea what stealth meant at 3am in the morning... sorry babe.... but we know that you wanna go with us AGAIN!! COS WE ARE SUCH GREAT AND ENTERTAINING COMPANY!!!!!!!!! :P

All that aside... today's already Sunday, the day before the very much dreaded Monday. But since I have taken my mandatory rest stop, I shall MARCH ON............................!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Long Awaited Break

Finally I get to go .... to KL. DUH. hahhaha .. A break of any kind is better than none at all. Me and CJ are just jumping on the bandwagon... tagging our asses along with Rin on her biz trip. It's gonna be time away from all the hustle and bustle of work, life and everything else that's bothering us... a true break.

So Miss Shopaholic has already scoured through the net looking for all possible nooks and corners where she can get anything.. and I mean .. anything. So yes.. more shopping to be done. No time for damage control, cos today, I just blew moolahs off on 2 Kate Spades. And I haven even step foot into KL yet!! But bleah.. wat's done cannot be undone. And I LOVE MY BUYS.....

Ooh.. and I need to save some bills to get some Tauran irritant his birthday present. God save me. Sigh.... life is really not that easy .... But just thinking of the holiday, although it's just to our MOST BELOVED neighbouring country... it's being looked forward to. I have lost all interest in putting my heart and soul to work, I just wanna stop working and start my break right now. RIGHT NOW. Alright.. since that can't happen, so here is the FREE accomodation we will be enjoying in "Malaysia.... Truly Asia...."



HERE WE GO GO GO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jas' Wedding

Well.. since we are at the blog.. I might as well post some photos to update you peeps out there.. Basically.. the newest group of pple in my life. MY COLLEAGUES.

Anyway these were taken at one of my gd fren's wedding... er.. ya.. there are no pics of her.. should have taken some.. cos she's really gorgeous...see if one fine day I can sneak something out to post it up here.


Me and my "twin" in office, there are like zillions of pple who call us by the wrong names... introducing.. Mabel and Amber


Me and my "husband".....


The girls......


And finally.... the group photo... stay tuned for the bride's photo... er.. in the next few posts..... haha

Welcome back Min!!

It never crossed my mind that I kinda miss blogging. For some weird and unexplainable reasons. I don't suppose many pple will be reading this, cos I guess all my frens will be assuming that I have given up on blogging. But..... I AM BACK!!!!!

It has been a hectic few months that literally flew past. Nothing much has transpired, other than work, work and more work. Ya.. maybe abit of excitement and thrills here and there.. but nothing keeps me up there for long...

I need some space.. alone.. then again maybe not alone.. to really take time away from work.. this is eating into my personal life.. and since when was the last time work has found its way into my private space. NEVER. I m literally eating and breathing work.. and damn it! They are not paying me enough for all these crap that I am going through.

Calming down, on the hindsight... maybe it's good that my life is buried in work.. I don't have the time to think about the rest of the things that are supposedly important in my life.. things that will take up more of my emotions and energy. Escapism? Not sure. It's a thin line.

Nothing really gets me up or down these days. Life is just.... plain. Emotionless. Unfeeling. Routine. Straight line.

It's time I finished up on Murakami's Norwegian Woods.... it's been there for quite some time......

REBIRTH

To all my frens who msged/called or in any other ways, tried to check on my emotional state... thanks peeps.. but I AM FINE. Not gonna blog about wat happened before, after and thereafter.... But no issues.. me will pull through this...

Many things are happening.. or trying to make themselves happen... me attempting to move out... me waiting to get my pay rise and/or promotion after boss mentioned he handed up my appraisal... me coping with my highly busy work schedule.. me trying to continue busying myself after work to keep myself occupied... and many others.. which doesn't come to mind now.. amidst all these, it's a new year.. no one should start off this year on a bad note... even if it had already happened.... we have to pull out of it.. get through 2007 with a blasting presence!!!