Comfortable Week-End to a torturous journey

It's Sunday, and I finally got myself a respectable (though kid's still), table to place my laptop. And not some small round kid's stool.

The table is new, the laptop is new. Even the data is my laptop is NEW and CLEAN = ZERO.

My ever precious Mac died on me, that was the biggest catastrophe that happened to me in years. I was close to tears. I was completely lost. All that was important was in there, and the data centre had to send me an emotionless email to drill the salt into my wound: "We would like to inform you the recovery of the data in your hard disk is close to impossible." My heart sank, way deeper than where Titanic could go. There goes ALL MY PHOTOS of my travelling... ALL.

So I thought, hmmm... the more eventful trips of US should be safe, as I have made copies for my buds. BUT NO!!! I WAS WRONG!! Fatboy replied my msg " No I don't have it with me anymore. It got lost during the Great Computer Crash." I am dead.

There are still some glimmer of hopes here and there, faint, but still a glint. I pray.......


Well anyway, probably it's God's way of telling me, get rid of the past. Hahahahha.. like the chinese saying, if the old are not removed, the new will not appear. oh well...


Tomorrow's Monday, a week ahead. I hope it all turns out well...

Thursdays Only

It's been a long 3 weeks for me. 2 weeks of Korean variety, my ideal kind of marriage life. And the last week: a full week of nothingness, as my show was nearing the end, and my excitement ended. There is no more motivation to do anything else. No singing, No mahjong, No shopping, No travelling, No work, No sleeping, No eating. I am just breathing. That was the only activity happening in this limp body of mine.

All until yesterday, I told the girls about my wallowing depression with nothingness in life. I told them it comes on and off (if you read my previous entries, you might find this vaguely familiar). I thought bungee jumping was the only thing that could wake me up to live life like a normal person. But I was wrong.

We decided to play games.

All it took was Settler's Cafe, 4 hours and 15 bucks. BUT IT HAS TO BE THURSDAYS.


To be honest, I was actually relieved of depression for the night. But also because of words my skyle told me yesterday, the dam for all my emotions was lifted. I can learn how to love again, cos he might have just learned how to love me back the way he is supposed to.

I dunno whether it's a fleeting illusion or a step into the brighter future. But Thursday, was the day when I had the joy and laughter with my close and ever ready friends, and the day my closest opened up.

We have decided depressions can only be announced on Thursdays, as that is the only day when Settler's Cafe is filled with our atrocious laughter, our overwhelming friendship and the bond we have bridged. All this for less moolahs going out of our pockets, cos it's LADIES NIGHT!



hahahahahha ... such a joke that game cafes have ladies night, but it's a good thing. *winks*

Random Dream

I dreamt of something really weird and random yday. I saw myself in my dream,a mistress to this older man. Not stopping there, he discarded his first mistress for me! So it seems like I am the current fave. He seems to like me for my intellect, my elegance. But I felt slightly appalled, slightly flattered, simply at a loss of what to do.

I remember sitting around at another table. Then he came around. I took e chance when I saw him coming,to walk away. I really refuse to acknowledge our relationship. The actual reason why I was in it was not clearly explained in my dream.

Seems like he is a very rich man. Probably in his 50's or 60's. Trades actively in a weird market that opens at 11.30am. None that I know of.

What is this dream trying to tell me? I have no slightest clue, but I am sure it is not as simple as telling me I will be a mistress to a rich sugar daddy later on.... Then what could it be? I wonder......

Hong Kong Hong Kong

Hong Kong....... but this time, Macau too! And Venetian at that!!!!!!
WOO HOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I will be going with the girls to Macau, Zhuhai and last but not least, Hong Kong. And it's gonna be a week long! This settles the first quarter of 2009.. not a bad start at all....

Managed to find some real cheap lobang for Venetian and it's a steal! Whole week, cost of air fares and accomodation and ferry tickets is below SGD700!! I am a genius!

Ya ya... I have gone to HK countless times, and yearly. But everytime the company is different mah..... and this will be a refreshing feeling!


HONG KONG..... HERE I COME!!!!!

Cold Turkey

It's been 2 days to be exact. But the distance between us is stretched to the limit. Probably it's the accumulated victimization that was forcefully imposed on me.

I don't even know how to pen my thoughts into words anymore. I am just so tired, I just want to rest.

Spoilt Brat?

The economy's not too good at this point in time.
I have travelled quite a fair bit for the year of 2008.
My bf might get the pink slip.
I wanna go for another trip in a month's time.
Should you call me spoilt?
Or selfish?
Maybe all these just doesn't affect me in any way, including my bf's potential pink slip.
This could be the first time I am thinking for myself instead of someone else.

I am not a spoilt brat.

Exposed

Sometimes in life, there are facts and options which we choose to shove under the carpet. If no one mentions, we will just carry on with life pretending that they are not there.

However, life attacks you when you are most unprepared. Who will imagine that these comfortably hidden options were to be exposed by your most loved one, and in the most friendly environment of all times? Most importantly, when you least expect it.

When these options are exposed, you have to stop lying to yourself, as everything lies bare out in the open. Next course of action? To take that hated option, or to shove it under the carpet again?

I feel very exposed and pushed to a corner now.

My Precious

This is my baby.... Introducing... Mushroom Goh. Haha...

Down... with the most common

Ok, I am sick. For real.

For no rhyme or reason, caught this flu bug from nowhere. But my buddy was on leave, no choice, had to lug my heavy ass to work for 2 whole days. With so much frustrations at work, it's amazing I got out of it all alive.

Today, she goes back to work. And I can finally take my rest. BUT NO! I have to get myself prepped up to go for my best friend's wedding which is coming up this Friday 9th Jan 2008.

Now off for my long needed rest as per my doc's instructions.

Who? Me?

It's the new year once again, making that unnoticeable step into 2009, taking stealth steps.

2008 didn't end with a bang, 2009 didn't start with a bang. Everything has become routine, a boring routine for everyone, with nothing to look forward to. Maybe the economic state of the world right now plays a part with "nothing to look forward to". hmm... my company announces our bonus and pays out in the new year, thus, this time round, it will be 2 fat zeros for 2009.

On a more personal note, I realised my life is changing. Slowly, but steadily.. I am no longer the fiery, outspoken, confrontational person I used to be. Well, you might think that it's a good sign. But no, I think it's a downward spiral towards losing myself, the person I recognised when I look into the mirror. Not sure what is in store for me, to make it worse, I am not interested in what lies ahead. HAHA... what a joke.

Everything I am doing now, and closing one eye to, is just a mere effort to make my life easier. What happened to those days when I fought for what I wanted in life? I think age and society has changed quite abit. Even the crowd we hang out with changes.

My new year resolution for 2009, to find back myself, but not to lose the good habits I have picked up along the way of losing myself. Contradictory? Ya... that's who I am, a walking contradiction.