Nothing to do!!!!!!! Oh but there's Vegas~!!

Tomorrow's a PH, and here I am, sitting in front of my lappie, like I do on a daily basis.
Nowhere to go, Nothing to do, No one to meet.

To be honest, I have been meeting up with ALOT more people than I would imagine I am capable of. Hmm... I am not that antisocial YET.

I just needed to type. I just needed to post some words. But there is nothing much happening in my life, it's the same old usual k-doses, Jae-doses, Hee-doses..

OH! I know what I can talk about. I can talk about my burning desire to revisit Vegas. Not sure when this started, but it was definitely fueled by the fact that Jae was in Vegas. Or the West Coast to be exact. The better part of America which I prefer. Vegas Vegas! The hottest hottest! (Oopsie... sounds like the CABI Song)...

A Warped Form of Motivation

There are many things I would like to do in my life, but just lack that final push to start on it. People call it lazy, lack of motivation, no drive for life, whichever. But that's how it has been for many years of my life.

Once in a while, I will have a spurt of motivation from TV shows, idol groups, something or someone a little bit further away from reality. And VOILA, I get things done. So as silly as it may sound, getting motivation from my JJ oppa with regards to many aspects of my life, I am thankful. At least I am getting something done. I am not doing it because of him, rather, because of him, I get to do what I have always wanted to.

Recently I am penning down alot more cos I am losing bits of my memory... Maybe due to age, unwillingness to remember, I am not too sure of it myself. So to make sure I remember what I am writing about at this point in time, I will have to post this picture. 고마워 재중이.... ***updated, picture no more.

First breath of Life

I went to visit Cassie at the hospital today. I saw her baby, Maximus.

Everything was the usual normalities, conversations, hampers, hospital bed etc. Nothing was out of the ordinary.

After many conversations, her hubby came back from dinner. Met his friend who stepped into the ward slightly earlier than him. A young looking chap who has a young son of 7 years. Doesn't look like a husband, not to mention a father who has a young boy. But I am sure he is a good father and husband. Some things just can be seen easily and thoroughly.

Probably because of his presence, conversations started shifting to baby talks and parental care. Ignorant me would definitely know zilch about it. All I could do was sit there, listen and stare with my new bigger eyes. UNTIL, they decided to show us the video clip of Maximus just arriving into this world. NOT the bloody and gruesome part of course, it's when the nurse placed the clean him into a "container" where she literally measured him inside out.

When I first saw the baby boy, I was overwhelmed. I really can't describe this feeling. He was really small... not that he has grown in 3 days, but somehow it was just different. And her hubby said something which was simply NEW to me. Maximus was crying and struggling cos he was not used to gravity!! For awhile, I was thinking how does that work... then it dawned on me.

I had to leave the room very soon after. All these heartwarming sensations were tearing me up. I guess I have turned so cold that I can no longer handle warmth. More so now than ever. hmmm.. Maybe also cos of my super exposed tear ducts... no wonder I am crying at every single "tear-able" parts in the dramas...

In any case, Welcome to this world Maximus... !

Close! Jaejoong. Yoochun. Junsu

Since my last post was on JYJ tickets, I just wanna say that I went to the showcase! I don't wanna go into details of how we got to get the tickets but ya.. ok.. we were there!!

Once questioning why DBSK was so so so so popular, now I am totally blown away. I'd seen Yunho and Changmin at SM Town, so now these 3 almost-perfect men, supposed to be 24 but not looking so. (keke)

Charisma is so intangible that it's hard to describe. I have been to many concerts and what have yous, but seeing these JYJ up close is hard to continuing breathing. Stage presence, charisma, style and the unseen influence is powerful. Not to 2 slightly aged women like us, but the legion of fans these men have is simply beyond words.

Jaejoong looked so perfect I have nothing more to say. I bet the 80% of the fans present were JJ fans. I am one of them. Yoochun looked good... very good in fact.. so good that Unnie almost stopped breathing. And he said "WOW!".. now this is something I will have to bear in mind so that I can continue laughing at Unnie for this. hahahahah.. Junsu. Not my type but he looked great too!

Hmmmm.. How can anyone look so so so good... Jaejoongie... good night!!

Random Search

I was surfing the net late last night. Going through my usual websites and reading stuff. After which I decided to do some random searches on JYJ. That was when an article popped up which made me wake up from my state of going into dreamland. "JYJ in Malaysia".

Hmmm... they were only called JYJ not too long ago and I don't recall them making their way to this part of Asia... yet. So I clicked on the article and guess what? The date was 17 Oct 2010!!

My mind went into a frantic rush. I had to know which part of Msia and the first thing in my mind was, hmm.. ok.. I think it's a Saturday, so if I were to make my way up to KL I should be able to make it. WOW!!

So I searched.... and I found.............

They were coming to Spore on 16 Oct 2010!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Preorders for tickets are closed and the only other way is to buy the tickets over the counter on 12 Oct 3pm to 9pm... Knowing the crazy fans that are in great existence even in a small sunny island like Spore, I will never make it to buy the tickets. So I sent an aegyo-ed sms to Nat.

*Prays for the best*

Well well.... this is NOT newest love but he is cute...근데 걱정마..  you will always be my 희철오빠....  :)

Dramaaaaaaaaaaaaticcccccc

It has been DAYS of drama, drama, drama and more drama... and I mean REAL DRAMA. The TV kind. Wahahahahahhahhahah

So I finished King of Baking, Kim Tak Goo, which was surprisingly nice. Now in the midst of watching My Girlfriend is a Gumiho, Playful Kiss and Sungkyunkwan Scandal. All still airing in Korea.

As much as all these sounds like I have no life... well, that's right! I have no life... no life in the eyes of the normal boring pple, no life in the eyes of the typical Singaporean, no life? HAHAHHAHAHA... for those who thinks that others have no life, are truly the ones who got nothing better to do.

Hmmm.. one might think that someone has just stepped on my tail. But NO, that's not the case. I am thoroughly enjoying what I am doing now. Freedom, peace of mind, cute men, drama romance, daydreams.... I think I just might find myself back! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

KPO

My temper is pretty short these past few days. Everything seems to irritate me. Someone commented to me, "Eh, why all your facebook statuses all so negative one ah?"

hmm.... I wonder why too.. I didn't even realise.
Negativity was the last word I would imagine that would be used to describe me... but apparently I was wrong.

So KPO. hmmm.. how do we define friends? People who come around to check out how you are doing, so that she has a topic for discussion with everyone else? Or people who come around to check out how you doing cos they really want to know? Why would you make use of others whom you call your friends to this extent? It could be intentional or unintentional. Nonetheless, I have met people of BOTH kinds.

Ya, this is what I call lucky.. lucky to have such friends... Afterall, life is so short, you gotta experience as much as possible right?

I am so frustrated with myself!! SPITE!

Anger! That is what makes you lose your cool. It has that devilish power to turn you into a complete irritating arrogant spiteful bitch. And that was EXACTLY what happened.

Why do we feel spite? What good does it do to us when we succeed in being spiteful? Are we happier? Are we richer? Are the burdens lessened?

Taking a step back to breathe slowly and look at the whole picture, it's a complete waste of time. And it makes a fool out of ourselves. Posting this is a fantastic decision. Forces me to think more rationally and helps place everything into perspective.

I will not continue this stupid game of spite anymore. I have better things to do to make myself happier.

Work is the best sleeping pill

For the past couple of months, I never seem to be able to sleep early... up to the extent of sleeping at 6am on non-work days and 4am on work days!! It was really frustrating... But I guess, it's my own doing.. hehe..
Cos I am up surfing the net, watching dramas etc....

But now, things have taken a different turn. I went back to work from a 2 weeks leave, and gosh... it's amazing. Not the work of course, but the sleep. Yesterday was the first day and I actually slept at 11pm! To top it up, today I dozed off at 8.30pm! But of course, right now at 12 midnight, I am awake, watching drama and surfing the net... but hey, it's a good start!

Ya.. just that.. I thought I might wanna pen this down, just in case next time I run into the same insomnia problem. :)

Chalet for 2010 - My TanBai Boys

It's the annual chalet at ECP. Laughed a hell lot, talked a hell lot. It was really let loose night for me. Which explains why I got home at 5am in the morning. hahahaha

To recollect, I have known these guys for like what, 14 yrs... yes, we were just counting. For some reason, which I am sure, it is AGE, we were just reminiscing the crazy stuff we have done over the decade. It was hilarious. Right now, I guess we only have the energy to think about the past, as going through the actual motions of the crazy stuff is not so technically possible anymore.. (due to weight and age).

Nonetheless, the boys never fail to bring out the most heartfelt laughter in me... they are really my medicine in life, they make me laugh. I LOVE YOU BOYS!!! STAY THE WAY YOU ARE~!!!!

Going home... 안녕!!

This is the last night of a super relaxed trip in Seoul. It has been a fruitful and I repeat, a relaxed, free and easy trip. And I really mean free and easy. Of course, this is also the first out of 3 times, that I bought the MOST things. Right now, I am just praying that I don't have to fork out more cash to pay for excess baggage.

Leaving this place is making me feel slightly melancholic. I will not be on the same soil as my 오빠 once I reach home. I will have to carry on with my dull and boring life, listening and watching him from afar. (hmm.. not that I listened or watched him from near when I was here.. ㅋㅋㅋㅋ... )

But nonetheless, I should not be so down on this, cos..... I WILL BE BACK!

안녕 Korea!! 안녕 오빠!!!!!!!!!!!

Lazy Sunday in Seoul

It's raining right now... the weather is fantastic for a sleep in. And that's precisely what we are doing at the moment.

언니has watched a few youtube clips and fell asleep under the cosy weather. We are flying back tomorrow, and right now, we are just taking it all in by bumming around on a rainy lazy Sunday.

안녕!!

Away from home

Being away from home. When I was here for the first couple of days, I was thinking... maybe staying in Seoul may not be such a good idea after all. NO FEEL.

However, when I was on my way home from across the river, stuck in a jam, I was suddenly taking in the beautiful night river view of the Hangang. Relishing every light and every moment, the way I should be, the way I always thought I would be. I had to whip out my phone camera and take in a sight, anything. So I took a blurry picture of a bridge which I thought I had never seen.

All these made me think of *steamed bun* even more. I must be going crazy.. or I might already be crazy.

A Dream which made me wonder..

I had a weird dream yesterday night. It was a proposal, by him. I was slightly happy in my dream I remember, but surprised. That was in the dream.

However, when I woke up this morning, I was rudely shocked. Why did I even have that dream? Putting abit more thought into it, I was thinking, this is STILL not what I want.

So why did I even dream about it? Am I letting go of myself again, to something which I can easily settle for? Or do I want to search for that happiness and bliss which I believe exists? I just don't know when and how to find it.

It felt different after 30 years

I had the op yesterday. Due to the fear of infection, I wasn't too keen on having any contact with my eyes.

However, me being me. All these were soon forgotten. I have done everything the doc and everyone else instructed me not to do today, the SECOND day. Eating seafood (though it was a genuine mistake), puffing, washing face etc.

While I was at it, I had a go at my nose bridge. And realised that my eyes are really bigger! The distance between my eye and my nose bridge has narrowed. I knew it straightaway. I mean, come on... I have been fiddling with my face for a good ol' 30 years and man I felt the difference! It was a weird feeling. For a split second, I didn't feel like myself. It was like I was touching a stranger. But it was just for that split second. Cos my able brain was able to remember that my eyes are truly bigger now. A dream has finally been realised.........

Living in Korea - Day One

I am here for my big change. In Korea. Doing something which I have always wanted since I was 20 maybe.

This time round, not the usual Korea Korea trip, we are staying at a friend's place. Living life in korea like a korean would. Of cos this is not easy, but it's definitely an experience.

We got lost, messed up the house as the air-con water overflowed, fed the dog, climbed the stairs. All that in just ONE day. FYI, this is Day One.

I will update again, just to log in my thoughts before I lose it somewhere in the head. Afterall, I have lived 30 years, some things are not functioning as well as they should be.

Good night.

MacBook Pro!

 I got it and got rid of it! yay!!!!

I traded in my MacBook for a brandnew MacBook Pro!!! Saved some money and got myself a (hopefully) problem free lappie!!!!

Load Off - After 6 Long Years

You know how good things happen singly, and bad things come in multiple folds? hmm.. ya... that happened to me. I made a mistake which just added on and multiplied by itself by many many folds.

However, the day has finally arrived. The load is off and I am free again.... Not as free as I would like to be, but free enough for me to feel the relief.

I will exercise more care in the future...... :)

Lappie

For the past few days, I was pulling my hair out over my comp/comps. There I am, seated on my mattress and surrounded by THREE laptops!!! But NONE, and I mean NONE of them works well!!!!

Calm down calm down... never get upset with technology as they will always have the last laugh.

Now now, maybe I should save some money and just trade in my MacBook..... hmmmm.....

Sleepless

I wonder if he's asleep. I think about what he is doing now. But he doesn't even know I exist.

Music of the Past

As I sit here, listening to music which my ears long for...

Soothing, familiar, reminiscent, comfortable...

But things have changed. My emotions were at peace, now, with the same music, the peace is nowhere to be found.

I long for the solitude and comfort I had...

우리 오빠... ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

사랑해요 김희철!
우유빛깔 김희철!

Name Name!!

It's been such a long time...

I am excitably frustrated. I need to convert my chinese name to KOREAN!
HAHAHAHAA...now I sound really bimbotic.

The last I checked, my Korean name is 고민효.

I need to verify, ascertain and confirm this. :P

Family Trip

So,after a very long while, I am gonna embark on a family trip. My parents, uncle, bro and myself. Going to Macau and HK!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!

Obviously I have to be tour guide the whole journey, but no complaints. Yes yes...HK is getting boring but I guess a trip is better than none at all. Well, at least for the first time, I will be going to Madame Tussaud's in HK. I didn't even know there was one in HK!! HAHA....

So here we go!!!

My Own

Finally, we did it. Congratulations Amber!

Wally's Party

Just got back from Wally's 30th bday bash. Held at Swissotel, we had guitar hero to play with!!! Yeah!!!! The guys obviously chose the best n the most selfish gift to present him on this day. Haha. He didn't even get to play the game once! But boy it was fun!

After leaving the party, we had a 'talk' again. Words thrown everywhere, so strewn that I no longer have the energy to pick up the pieces. After three long years, I am finally losing it. And yday's comment still lingers deep in my head. And adding today's, we are done.

All I want is to be happy. Can't I?

Ten dollars!!!

How dare you ask for this money from me? Its just a pack of fags. You have totally crossed the line. My tolerance is over.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Resolution 2009 Resolved

I just read my post a yr back. On 2009's New Year resolution. I am glad and proud to announce that I found part of myself back in 2009. Not entirely but it will suffice.

For my own sake, the resolution for 2010 is to find the zest, the angst, the eagerness for excitement back in myself. And last but not least, my positivity.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Friend, I missed you. (WP - 4 Jan 2010 15:38)

Today is the first day at work for 2010. And boy....... I was late again! Tried so hard for the past 3 weeks, and now, on the FIRST day of 2010, I was late again.

That's that. Nothing much.

Now, I can't wait to get off work to rush home to catch the next episode of my shows!

I just got off the blog of my very good fren. I am surprised by my reads. I think it's unbecoming that I have to scramble through blogs to know more about my fren's life and thoughts. Not that she is good at expressing her emotions, but this is not the way to show concern if there is a need to. Globalisation through the net has helped many who can express their innermost thoughts anonymously, or rather, without face to face interaction. It might have helped some, but harmed others.

Everything in this world is a double edged sword. We just need to know how to use our weapons wisely. Ah Sa, thank god for the internet. If not, I don't know when you will explode with everything bottled in. Love ya!

Prayer (WP - 4 Jan 2010 01:54)

I just said a prayer. For strength and direction.

I am not too sure where all these came from. But out of a sudden, I remembered the rosary I bought from Sacre Coeur. I am devastated as I misplaced it, no idea where it is now. After almost losing it in Paris, I did it again. I can't seem to sleep.......

Our Father in Heaven
Hallowed be thy name
Thy Kingdom come
Thy will be done on earth as it is in Heaven
Give us this day our daily bread
Forgive us our trespasses
As we forgive those who trespass against us
Lead us not into tempation
But deliver us from evil
For Thine is the Kingdom
The Power and the Glory
For ever and ever
Amen

Autumn's Concerto (WP - 3 Jan 2010 23:26)

I can't believe I found another drama which I have that feeling again. Yes, that feeling. Of super liking a character! Vanness Wu! You da man!!

Yet to finish the show, but has been good. I won't say it's great, but somehow I need to write about it. Hmmm... it's a typical drama. Boy and Girl falls in love, Boy goes for surgery, Boy forgets Girl, Girl has his kid, Boy and Girl meet again a few years later......

I haven't had such exciting emotions riled up in me because of a drama guy in the longest time. Last was Rain in Full House. Should have been a few years ago I think. Vanness' character reminds me of my ideal man. This is something that I have left at the back of my head, not wanting to dig it out. If I can't find this guy in my life, why would I wanna spend too much time thinkin about it?

Now that this thought is triggered, I am rethinking my decisions. Should I or should I not?

In any case, here we go..... Autumn's Concerto.

Recurrence (WP - 27 Dec 2009 23:59)

Every now and then I will wonder if I am making the right decision. Can I do it? Can I endure everything that I am going through right now till the end?

The reason for going through this is not even clear. For practicality? Out of fear? Inertia? But I don't see the word 'love' anywhere. Then why do I have to go through with this?

Place to call our own (WP - 13 Dec 2009 23:05)

I had a good feeling the moment I stepped in. It was big and comfortable. Nothing fancy. Nothing glamorous. Just really cosy and spacious. That's all I need. Oh ya, plus a man who will not irritate me so much.

Its been a long day.

Fast and Furious... Childish and Rebellious (WP - 12 Dec 2009 02:37)

I can't believe we actually got the 10th position! For playing dress up!

I had to don a 2 piece, with a slit that went up where you SHOULD NOT be imagining. Not that I ever minded skimpy clothes (all thanks to performances where we had almost zero budgets, less cloth less money), I just wanted to save everyone from the eyesore and I would want them to keep their dinner in where they should be. But I still did it anyway.

It's been a long day. Bad things happened. How should I put it? Bad things happened as a consequence of my own doing. I could have easily pushed the blame on others and take the easy and rebellious way out. I did spout childish nonsense out of my mouth. But I have to grow up. I have to learn how to deal with issues in a mature manner. No more rebellion. It is not allowed in a corporate world where being chilidish will not get you anywhere. Not in this world, where politicking is the route to promotions and bonuses. I have to grow up and be fake.

I would like to thank my Pabo. The Pabo whom I deemed childish and irrational. Whom I deemed as being incapable of playing the corporate superficial game. This time round, he stood by me. Gomapwo.

Peace Of Mind (WP - 1 Dec 2009 20:34)

It's December. It's raining. How I wish I had a good book and a cup of hot chocolate....