There you have it, be it due to the Covid / Stay home (non travel) / mid life situations, it was no doubt a rude awakening to a hidden part of my life which was conveniently stashed aside. HEALTH.
Junk food, fried foods, MacDs, and what other food consumption I had for the past decades have finally found its way to the surface. Although the doc did say, it's just cos I got it checked, and the heart issue is a very mild one which is common, but I am still put on ongoing checks, and possibly meds to keep the cholesterol down, way below the normal benchmark. This has nonetheless made purchasing additional insurance impossible, due to "existing conditions", but oh well, what can I do. It has been a huge lifestyle change, especially when it comes to food. I have never, repeat NEVER, eaten so clean in my entire life, and here I am. The irony of it all, I have no cravings for the junk which I couldn't do without all my life. EPIPHANY.
Of course, all that aside, the scares had reached deep down into my mental state. I had anxiety scares, loss of appetite, all cos of fear. And apparently, fear of dying. Day in day out, I am googling on my "symptoms", which always comes to a naught. In short, it's purely overthinking. I worked very hard to maintain my sane self, to keep going, to breathe. Meditations, exercise, I have tried many ways. Good thing is, it is working. If not, it would technically not be possible for me to log this post and talk about it. As if this was done 2 months back, I wouldn't have been able to face all these, not to mention put them into words.
I have learnt a great deal about myself during this crisis. I thought I had a carefree life, positive mindset, nothing to fear. But as facts have shown, I might not know myself as well as I thought. I am afraid of dying, well, who isn't? Right now, I am still working towards a stronger me. And I know I will be able to do in time to come.
As my bro said, the lack of travelling has taken a huge part of my life away from me. *nods in agreement*
Travelling has been a huge part of my life for more than a decade. Without it, a big part of joy has left, and here I am, we all are, trying to fill that void. Let's hope this pandemic will see the light at the end of the tunnel, and I can finally breathe the air outside of our tiny red dot.
